This is my breastfeeding story, it might be tmi for some people so read at your own risk :)
I feel like getting the emotions I am feeling out in writing will help me process everything going on a lot better. I hope this can be of encouragement and or help others who might be having a hard time nursing or weaning their little ones. I will start out at the beginning.
My little guy was born 5 weeks early weighing in at 6lb. 12oz. by the time he came home he weighed 6lb 7oz. We were only allowed per the pediatrician to nurse for 5 minutes once a day for the first couple of weeks....... Which meant a lot more work for me. Once we left the hospital he was on 100% breastmilk. So I had to pump for atleast 15 minutes every 2-3 hours around the clock in order to keep up with the demand. I dealt with A LOT of pain during these weeks, since the pump is not nearly as effective at emptying you as your baby is. We're talking lots clogged ducts and ice packs! finally a few weeks into this I was able to try to nurse him up to 15 minutes twice a day, I think he was over a month old before I got the go ahead to nurse him as much as he wanted. This was our schedule; attempt to nurse for 5-10 minutes (however long it took him to get frustrated) feed him a bottle, and then pump for 15 minutes. By the time this whole process was over an hour had passed. And he would be hungry again in 2 hours, this made for a rought couple of weeks. We also had to deal with the nipple sheild that the nurses had gotten us to use in the hospital....... It was like relearning how to nurse for him without that dumb thing on. By the time we were doing great, nursing pros he was probably 4 months old and then we started on solid foods also.
My supply because of all of this was never really what I would have liked it to be, and therefore I was unable to keep up with demand and we started to supplement a bit of formula.
I was able to quit my job last month and be a stay at home mommy since then I have been able to nurse most of the time and my little guy has had 6oz. or less of formula a day. Which I am quite proud of when I look back at the first couple of weeks and remember thinking we would never get this far!
Oh and we also found out he has a milk allergy around 1 month old so for the last 7 months I have not been able to eat the slightest amount of dairy. We're not just talking milk and cheese here, dairy is in everything, tons of canned soup you would think would be fine, nope contains milk. Just take a look at the ingreient lists of the things you eat daily, it doesn't leave many choices!
In the last few weeks he has been so interested in what is going on around him that it's so hard to stay focused on nursing which was getting frustrating for the both of us.
Also he hadn't been sleeping through the night for about 3 weeks now, waking up a couple of times in the night hungry. Then my hubby said he was giving him a bottle of formula before bed and that was that. He slept 10 hours straight! Finally it clicked why I had been feeling like I was constantly nursing, and he wasn't sleeping enough..... I wasn't producing enough to keep him full.
All of these circumstances have gotten me to the decision made today.
We are going to stop breastfeeding. While I will be happy for many reasons; I can eat dairy again, I can finally put the pump away, I can eat spicy foods, I do not have to deal with the pain anymore, my little man will be fully satisfied and sleeping through the night.
I feel it is one of the toughest decisions I have had to make. I feel as though I am a failure to my son, a lot of people are forced to stop nursing, while I am making this decision on my own. I don't want to be selfish but it's so hard to eat and cook for my husband when I cannot eat anything with dairy in it and he doesn't eat a single fruit or vegetable. I have read sooo many books and magazine articles on the benefits to nursing your child through the first year, and he is only 8 months old. There is this nagging guilt in the back of my mind, and now that I have made this decision there will be no turning back, I do not want to regret my decison!
This has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I'm sure I'm not the first one to feel all these emotions.
I feel like I am letting him down, but at the same time like I'm making the best decision for the both of us.
I know this is only a short period in our lives and these feelings will pass ( I hope).
I am sorry that you went through all of that but I can tell you that you are not alone. I cried the first couple of weeks because little one was always hungry and I thought my supply wasn't good enough. I talked to a lactation consultant and she said that I was doing fine: Breastmilk s digested faster than formula therefore baby gets hungrier faster. Have you tried an herbal tea Mother's Milk Tea. I tried it once and it worked ok. A full night's sleep for a child is 5 to 6 hours. My son is 1 and still wakes up once or twice a night. Not always to nurse but I do sometimes because it helps put him to sleep faster. My personal email is steph.pierce09@gmail.com. Feel free to email me at anytime if you just need an ear or shoulder. I mean it. I know what's it like to feel completely alone in your quest. My husband and mother always pushed that I give him formula and I gave in once or twice but I never gave up on breastfeeding and now after a year we are still going.
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